Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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