there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
