3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
