I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize