If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
