i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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