I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
