I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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