I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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