Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
