they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
