Your mouth is God's brothel.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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