Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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