apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
