He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you win again, gameday.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
