She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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