Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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