kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
