I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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