So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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