You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
