I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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