i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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