im holly from the hills drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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