i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize