I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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