last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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