Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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