I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
