So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
