no you cant smoke seaweed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
