I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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