I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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