HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
