I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
