I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
