I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
