She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
