hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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