my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize