been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
