I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
