we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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