woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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