What a fucking waste of an outfit
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
