I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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