So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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