Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
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