so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
