Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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