We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
