I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
