I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
