Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My pussy is not your playground.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
