yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
