My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
