Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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