I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
