You can't special order awesome
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
