we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
