I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
