Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The uberlube is also flammable
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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