I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
