Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize