I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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