made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
