a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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