Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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