It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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