I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
